I Told You So
by Zayz
Summary: LJ. "I don’t know what Fate is smoking at the moment, but clearly, it’s not being very kind to me today." Lily endures the horrors of staring uncontrollably at a guy who shouldn't matter in the midst of class. Minor but considerable language. R&R?


**A/N**: This is just a bit of pointless randomosity to break my fan fiction silence. Pointless randomosity is so much fun. Being meaningful all the time is hard work.

Dedicated to my amazingly amazing girlfriends, Bella and Niki. You guys have always known much better than me. Even though I hate you for it frequently, I'm glad you do.

Read. Enjoy. Review. Preferably in that order, but you're always free to be creative.

--

**I Told You So  
****By: Zayz**

--

Damn.

Damn, damn, damn.

_Damn_.

Here we go again.

I don't like this.

I really, really, really, really, _really _don't like this.

Everything about it bothers me deeply and hurts me to the point where I can't even think of a non-rubbish metaphor to express my pain.

And yet, it happens to me, every single hour of every single day, and I'm caught like a rabbit in the trap of a formidable, inescapable hunter who knows much better.

_Damn_!

A variety of curse-words swirling under my breath, my eyes hatefully fall upon that young man for the millionth time this period alone. Strong jaw, straight nose, mischievously arranged features, haphazard mop of hair, absolutely mesmerizing hazel eyes. Yes, there he is. Sitting there. Pretending to pay attention. Flirting with some girl on the other side of the room. Grinning with his best friend.

The sight is typical. Everything about it is exactly the same as how it's been for years and years and years…

…except for the fact that now I'm staring at him and feeling like I could melt into a puddle at the mere sight of him.

Chewing on the inside of my mouth, I withdraw my gaze from him once more. I release my hair from its messy pony-tail and use it as a feeble curtain between me and his side of the room. Professor Flitwick's squeaky voice drones into my ears. It's warm out. Smells like summer. A fly buzzes by the window. I am working very hard not to think about _him_, but the operation is proving next to impossible.

Damn, damn, damn.

_Relax, Lily_, I attempt to soothe myself._ He's just a guy. Nothing special. Keep nonchalant. Play it cool. You know how this goes._

I take a deep breath and work this again, though now without the cursing. I need to take in the rest of this classroom environment because there's more to it than just _him_.

My gaze roams to the partially-open window. The sky is impossibly blue. Smells like fast-approaching summer. A fly buzzes somewhere in the back of the room. I try listening to Professor Flitwick talk, but I can't focus. My throat is dry and I can't remember if I changed my socks this morning.

Another deep breath. I take a few more notes. This isn't so bad anymore. The worst of it has passed, like the flu.

I'm fine. Blasé. _Very _cool. I tap my fingers on my table top and underline some random word I wrote. I'm beginning to feel quite confident about not looking _that way_ anymore.

Quietly humming my favorite up-beat Celestina Warbeck song, I take my hair-tie out of my pocket and re-tie my hair so it's out of my face. I really hate having my hair down – it's long and thick and makes my neck feel hot. This is much better, even if I can still see _him_. I sneeze into my arm and continue listening to Flitwick's lecture.

Fine. Blasé. Very cool. Yeah, yeah. I think I'm actually getting the hang of this.

I write a few more notes out of celebration. The seconds tick on and I count a few of them. I feel all right. Flitwick asks a comprehension question and I volunteer an answer. I'm right. Flitwick beams and continues onward. I'm feeling even cooler now.

A few tables down, I catch sight of my best friend in the world, Alice, stretching her arms out and yawning. I smile in spite of myself. She happens to glance back at me and catches my eye. We share a mutual grin and she mouths 'hello' in my direction. I mouth 'hello' back and find myself yawning as well. Alice chuckles and turns back around.

My mind begins to space out some. Alice isn't looking my way anymore. She can't – she used to sit beside me, but we were such a "distraction" that Flitwick moved Alice away. I shall have to complain about how boring it is without her over here once class is over.

I also think about lunch next period. I'm rather hungry. Perhaps I'll have a sandwich and a bit of pudding for dessert. Pudding is pretty delicious…

"Yes, Mr. Potter?"

Potter's name – spoken in Flitwick's signature squeak – shatters my reverie. My stomach sinks down to my toes, just like that. My heart goes cold. Almost magnetically, my eyes go right to him and his glowing, mischievous face.

"Sorry, Professor, what were you saying?" James asks politely, the slightest edge of laughter beneath the casualness of his tone. People exchange looks around the room.

"Well, _I_ was talking about advanced levitation charms; and since you seemed to have so much to say on the subject to Mr. Black there, I wanted to know your opinion on the subject," Flitwick says without missing a beat.

Laughter ripples around the classroom. My stomach would go lower if it had any space to. James, however, only grins broadly.

"That's a kind sentiment, Professor, I must say," he responds. "But really, I have nothing to say that you haven't already covered. You are far too clever for me to have a differing opinion."

More laughter ripples. I want to die – and he's not even talking to me directly! This is the madness lust inspires in people…

Flitwick crosses his arms. "If I'm so clever, please don't treat me like such a fool, Mr. Potter," he remarks sharply. "Stop talking and pay attention."

James's smile remains in place. Sirius Black, on the other hand, throws his head back and laughs at his friend, the boys reaching over to high-five each other. Their other two friends, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, snicker from behind them. My face warm, I give up and take my hair-tie out. Again.

I ought to just beg Dumbledore to move me up or down a year so I can evade this despair. I am not fine. I am not blasé. I am not cool. Back to the drawing board.

By the time class ends, I'm feeling pretty low, even for me. The bell can't ring fast enough. I scrawl down the homework for the day and try to bust out of there as fast as I possibly can. Alice, who is closer to the exit than I am, escapes outside to wait for me. I try to follow along to her, but on my way out, I get caught in the usual traffic blockage at the door.

Damn.

As I wait, I try not to get too frustrated with my position, but I must admit, it's hard work. Someone is breathing in my ear and another someone is stepping all over my foot. I hate people sometimes.

Damn, damn, damn.

The world is a terrible place today.

The idiot who was stepping on my foot has mercifully stopped. That's a good thing. Unfortunately, though, the person who was breathing in my ear is still doing it. I turn my head so I can tell them off properly, but I find, to my horror, that it is none other than James Potter.

I don't know what Fate is smoking at the moment, but clearly, it's not being very kind to me today. I groan out loud and James suddenly notices that it's me right beside him, and not some other girl with red hair in his year. A smile appears so quickly to his face that I marvel.

"Hi, Evans," he greets me. "Fancy seeing you here."

"I _am _in your class – you see me here everyday," I remind him sharply. I sound remarkably in-control for someone who…well…isn't. James's smile only widens.

"I know," he says. "But here we are…trapped together trying to bust out of the classroom…I haven't been this close to you in a long while."

I make a derisive noise because he expects me to. "Don't get used to it."

"Why not?"

He's always this flirtatious. He's always this irksome. The pure lust I'd harbored for him all period is all of a sudden tainted by extreme irritation – both because he's an arse undeserving of my attention and because I like him so much. I hate him for affecting me this way. I roll my eyes at him and give the person in front of me, whoever they are, an almighty shove. If I want to keep my health intact, these people have to let me go.

Thankfully, Fate decides to have mercy on me at last. The crowd now begins to move. I shuffle my way out the door with relative quickness and I leave James behind. The heat is in my cheeks and when I manage to finally burst out of the classroom next to Alice, I can't arrive sooner.

People rush out around me but I catch my breath on the side, just happy not to be inside there anymore. Alice grins impishly at me.

"Hey, Lils, there you are," she says.

"Yeah, here I am." I hug my friend. "I miss sitting next to you. It's ridiculous, being all on my own. I don't have anyone to talk to."

"I know how you feel," Alice sympathizes. "My seat isn't much better. Justin, the boy next to me, smells like dirt because he has Herbology before this class."

"I'm so sorry." I hug her again, just because I can. "Flitwick can be so unfair. We didn't talk out loud _that _much."

Alice smirks. "We probably did."

"Well, _still_," I protest. "So, to lunch now, yeah?"

"Yeah." Alice and I begin to make our way down the corridor together. "This is good, I'm starved," she remarks.

"Me too." I tie my hair back up, now that I'm out of the Charms room and away from James. "I want pudding."

Alice smiles, but I can tell from the way her eyes flash that my pudding fetish isn't the only reason she's amused. This expression of hers is dangerous and she knows I know so – she is not at all surprised when I inquire, "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing _really_," she says airily, shifting her bag to her other shoulder. "You're just the cutest thing. I was enjoying your cuteness, that's all."

"Erm…thank you?" I blow a loose strand of hair out of my eye. "But seriously. What is it?"

"Honestly, nothing much…I was only watching you watch James Potter all period today," she admits, her naughty grin too strong to remain inhibited.

I groan all huffy at her. "Alice…"

Alice laughs maniacally. "Lily, you are too cute for your own good," she says. "It's a wonder he doesn't get how much you like him yet."

"Was I really that obvious?" It pains me, but I have to know – and from the way Alice is looking at me, I already know the answer.

"Yes," she says. "You just about died when Flitwick called him out near the end of class there. You looked like a baby chicken caught in a rain storm, you poor thing!" She gives me a hug wraps her arm around my shoulders with the utmost affection. I wish lightning on James Potter's thick, arrogant skull.

"Allllliiiiiice," I complain, drawing her name out to better display my pain. "This is ridiculous. I hate this. I hate him. I hate what he does to me and how obnoxious he is and how infuriatingly sexy he is when he's in the process of being obnoxious. It's not even ridiculous – it's _beyond _ridiculous. Why does this have to happen? Why does it have to be him?"

"I know, I know, darling, it absolutely reeks," my friend croons, stroking my hair. "You were watching him all period, as I mentioned before. You can't enjoy falling that low."

"I don't." I give her a very pathetic look. "Help me. Please."

"Let's get some lunch into you, you'll feel much better," Alice assures me in her calm, collected way. "Then we can talk about it properly."

"Thanks." I'm more grateful than I can say – when I fail miserably at being fine, cool, and/or blasé, I can always count on Alice to be all three and more for me. I'm almost slightly comforted as we descend down the staircase together so we can catch the main staircase into the Entrance Hall, which connects to the Great Hall. Alice can be a Healer if she really wanted to be.

We're pretty much quiet as we make our way inside the hall and settle into the Gryffindor table together, tucking into lunch. I chug down a full glass of pumpkin juice in one gulp and I feel infinitely better for it. Alice watches me with her thoughtful smile.

"You know, seeing you lovesick is one of the funniest sights I've ever had the pleasure of observing," she informs me. "_You_, for Merlin's sake! _You_, being lovesick, over _him _of all people! It's just…it's too much for me. You'll have to excuse my random laughing spells. I can't help myself."

I make a slight face at her as I grab a sandwich and shove it almost-whole into my mouth. I get hungry when I'm in lust and my best friend is picking on me.

"It's not my fault," I mumble through my full mouth of bread and chicken. "I didn't ask for this."

"I know," Alice says, "but that doesn't make it any less hysterical."

I roll my eyes at her and give a colossal swallow to get my sandwich down my esophagus. When my mouth is clear, I take another sip of my juice and continue staring pitifully at Alice.

"I am depressed," I announce.

"I can see that." Alice rests her chin in her palm, her eyes taking me in and analyzing me critically. "Something must be done."

"If it was any other guy, I would be fine," I say. "It's mostly just this cruel irony that gets to me. A year ago, he was the one chasing after me and I got to ignore him all I wanted! I swore it would never change, but now…"

Alice laughs again. "Look, I know it doesn't make you feel any better, but I have to say – I did tell you so," she reminds me.

"I told you, when we were in fourth year, that if I ever fell for James Potter you could say that," I allow.

"I know," she says. "…And I did bloody tell you so."

She goes off into yet another laughing fit. Me, I am pretty much screwed and I know it. With another pathetic noise from my arsenal full of them, I collapse and let my forehead bang against the table with a dull _thunk_.

Damn.

Damn, damn, damn.

_Damn_.

I am doomed.

--

**A/N**: Welcome to a glimpse of the life of a lame teenage girl in love with some guy who will never understand anything…a.k.a. me last year. I warned you about the pointless randomosity, but hey, you've made it to the end now, so please do visit the review button at the end. Cheers!


End file.
